The Miami Heat: Damsels in Distress

My obligatory Miami Heat post.

Since the forming of the Justice League down in South Beach, (Lebron is Wonder Woman, in case you were wondering) all of their “loyal fans” have been coming out of the woodwork to claim they are the undisputed 2011 NBA champions. This despite the fact that no one has even practiced yet. Never before have people over rated a team as quickly as they have the Heat this offseason.

Let’s some some facts out of the way here, first.

Those are the stats of Joel Anthony, Big Z and Juwan Howard respectively. These are the men who will play the center position for the Miami Heat. *Pause for laughter* Two of these men are on the downsides of their career and the other is a scrub who couldn’t even average 5 points in college.

Step aside, Bynum and Gasol.

The argument I’ve been hearing is that Anthony is a great defender. Per 36 minutes he blocks 3 shots a game. Quick, show of hands, how many people think he’ll average that much? That would put him in Howard territory. When people resort to “well… ummm… he has a 7’4 wingspan!” you can tell they’ve run out of things to say. Next myth, please.

These two players actually got worse last year. Both are terrible three point shooters and are non-existent off the ball players. If you listen to Heat fans tell it though, these guys are poised for a break out season. Bonus! Wade and Lebron will handle the ball next year, so how do they fit in? They don’t. Next.

Ahhh, Udonis. Ol’ reliable. I like Haslem. He’s a good defender. He’s not as great as people in Miami think he is though. With the lack of reliable three point shooters in Miami I have a feeling teams might play some zone againts Miami. Where does that mean for Haslem? That he’ll get less open looks from 15 feet.

The biggest signing this offseason besides Lebron and Bosh was Mike Miller. Great job Miami, I have nothing bad to say about him. It’s all the shameless promotion of role players and fringe D-League players that sort of grinds my gears. I’ve seriously seen people talk about their two second year draft picks as something other than potential cheerleaders. I also found it funny people were calling KB “old man Kobe” when they have Z and the reanimated corpse of Juwan Howard on their roster. (Seriously, the guy played for the Washington Bullets) It’s fine to be stoked about next year’s team but to be so boastful, when they haven’t won anything, is kind of dumb. I’ve even seen idiots post the Las Vegas betting odds. I’m not saying they won’t win eventually but to say they’ll take it this first year, guaranteed, is a joke.

The members of this year’s Miami Heat are sort of like those girls that get picked on in high school. All the outcasts then form some sort of clique and then become popular. Kobe is that total bitch who ridiculed them all the time. The fans? Well, they’re the totally hot guy who likes them after they become popular!

Unfortunaley for them, this isn’t Degrassi. So come playoff time, they’ll get punched in the face by the Celtics.


~ by Prodigy on August 4, 2010.

One Response to “The Miami Heat: Damsels in Distress”

  1. Great Post ! I really enjoyed reading it, I also checked out the links you gave out and I must say you clearly made your point.

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